Mentoring girls over boys?
God created them male and female. He created them all in His image and likeness. He created to go into the world, multiply, subdue the earth and have dominion over the earth.
Yes, that is the way God brought the human beings into existence. Our lives all have value because we were created as valuable humans and ought to add value to lives.
While God created man and created woman to be his helpmate, equal opportunities are being given to all to thrive. Well, that is not the import of this write-up.
I have come to realise over the years- and I believe this has been the practice even before I was conceived in my mother’s womb- that more attention is given to the upbringing or domestication of the girl-child. The care and upbringing of children is the responsibility of both parents (if they are both alive). This is to give them an all-round formation which will stand the test of time.
In some parts of our country, the education of the girl child is not a first line charge, it is not an issue on the front burner, rather it is subject to many factors. In some cases where there is paucity of funds or family resources are meagre, the girl is made to withdraw or step aside for the boy. Some parents, even when they have the resources, outrightly refuse to train the girl child because for them ‘she will end up in a man’s house and even in the kitchen.’ This is a very wrong assertion.
When you look around, you will find out that it is the girls that are being made to do all the house chores, sweeping, mopping, cooking, fetching water, washing clothes, while the boys are left to do little or nothing around the house.
This has been the case over the years and if something is not done about it, it will continue and the adverse effects are there for us all to see.
Everyday, we hear complaints in the home about men not being able to offer support to their wives. Some men have heavily pregnant wives with toddlers running around her, having to cook and take care of the house, yet the husband can’t even lift a finger to do anything.
The care of the home is for both husband and wife. Agreed the wife is a helpmate, is she expected to breakdown under the weight of it all?
Care of the home or house chores are not meant for the girl child alone. Some men cannot even make basic meals like eba, boil or fry yam, etc, because they always had someone to do it for them. Cooking is a life-saving skill that one needs to learn. The stomach does not know whether it belongs to a boy or girl. When it gets hungry, all it wants is food. Boys should be able to make basis meals or even cook general foods. This is not to say that there are no exceptions as I have met fantastic cooks that are males and even earn a living through it. However, we need to come to the realisation that boys and men have to learn basic home management, nutrition and all there is.
I was in a friend’s house some time ago and some chores needed to be done in the kitchen. She called her daughter to attend to the chores and then asked the boys to ‘go and help their sister.’ Well, I had to tell her that they are not to help her but do the work together. The ‘help’ signifies that the work is meant for the girl child while the boys are just to offer help. From my perspective, I think it’s an area we are getting it wrong. Boys should be made to participate in the activities of the home. In this way, they will have a better family life. In this age where both husbands and wives are engaged in one form of work or the other, leaving the responsibility of running the home entirely to the woman is a no. I’m not talking about girl or female liberation, this is far from it. I’m talking about a situation where the boys or men can take care of themselves with or without a girl or woman around. I doff my hat for men who are hands on in their homes, it’s something of a great pride and gives immense joy.
Apart from taking care of the home front, the girl child is trained on how to be a wife, how to prepare herself for marriage, what to do and not to do in her growing years, etc. the girl child has a lot of mentorship programmes outlined for her. The question is- what about the boys? Are they not also meant to be groomed? Don’t they also need mentorship? These are some of the questions on my mind. When these girls are so prepared for marriage and go into it to meet an unprepared or ill-prepared boy/man, what then becomes of all the grooming and mentoring?
I think we need to do something to balance the equation, this can lead to a better society. I know men are wired differently but doing some basic things in the house, taking care of ‘your own children’ should not be a hard or difficult task at all. It even creates more bond in the family. Boys get stranded or get overwhelmed when they start living on their own and can’t get to do basic things. I think it’s time we changed the narrative.
When we overtrain the girls and leave out the boys, I think we will not have a balanced equation. This is not to say that we don’t have girls who do not know a thing about the care of the home. There are some who have people at their beck and call working for them hence there have no life-saving skills.
We are at a stage where all hands need to be on deck for the home to thrive. Some marriages are at the brink of divorce or some are because the woman feels so overwhelmed with running the house. We all need to play our part; we need to take a step further to create mentorship programmes for our boys because they really need it. Many of them have lost or are losing their way because they do not have the right guidance. Many problems we are facing today could have been averted by doing the right thing. It is never too late to start. The right time is now!
